SELFIE SHMELFIE (OR: THE STICK OF NARCISSUS)

Newton's Fourth Law: For every stick-selfie you take, baby Jesus wrecks a cyclist.

(Hey man, we don't make the rules. That just how it is. Immutable laws of the universe and whatnot.)

Seattle and its folk strike me as a fairly informed bunch. Most everyone appears to keep up with the latest news and stay abreast of the goings on of the world, both at large and at small, the global and the local together. It really seems to be a hallmark of the town and a point of pride for many Seattleites, this self-motivated awareness, so that we can develop informed opinions and try to be the coolest humans we can be. It's a beautiful thing, really.

So I'm sure that a good chunk of you out there are aware of this brand new hardbound fecal matter beauty now gracing the shelves of bookstores everywhere:

Yes. Yes you are.

Putting aside the automatic gag-reflex likely suffered by the aforementioned self-informed person upon discovering the very existence of such commercial-industrial complex propaganda (much less the thing actually selling a crap-ton of copies—the mind reels), this dazzling ball of sad can mean only one thing:

It's time we talked about the selfie.

More specifically, the selfie-on-a-stick.

More more specifically, the selfie-on-a-stick-on-a-bike.

Onward ho! (Not you, Kim. Sit down.) ((It's just too easy.))

To begin, we want to make it clear as Kim K.'s inhumanly unblemished skin that we're not here to judge you guys for framing yourselves just so to achieve optimum Facebook likes and Instagram hits. Extreme and overt self-promotion has become a necessary evil in the Modren Era, and we get it. We really do. (This is MBR's blog for eff's sake.) But when it's at the expense of your own safety—and undoubtedly that of the dude next to you—it becomes a major problem and seriously bad press for cyclists.

It's goofy enough to look like this guy:

Aw for the—I will shove that remote down your gullet.

 

Or this girl:

I...I don't even... My soul hurts.

But if you're THIS guy:

There's a strong chance you've booked yourself a seat in the Seventh Circle, unbeknownst to either you or your stick.

(Sorry—I'm on a biblical kick today.)

As sweet as that GoPro footage is, we just want to stress that mindful use (or in most cases on the road, no use at all) is key to keeping you and your fellow man from getting owned by some four-wheeled diesel monstrosity in the middle of an intersection. Your self-promotion doesn't trump everyone else's well-being. Just get one of these instead. Say no to the stick.

Plus, it makes you look like a narcissistic asshat.

Jussayin'.

*Steps down from this week's Soap Box*

Til next time!

 

—TheBikeMensch


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