BIG OL' WEIRD GRATUITOUS CLICKBAIT (WHAT'D YOU JUST CALL ME?)

Greetings fellow cycleheads!

How are you? Things okay? Great. Glad to hear it.

Oh, I'm well, thanks for asking.

Now pause—because I'm guessing you glossed over that question like a high school senior on a Calc. final—and rewind.

Ready?

Now take a minute, and actually ponder: How the hell are you?

And don't say "fine." So help me, I will reach through this monitor and smack you upside your big square head if you say fine. "Fine" is one of the most dishonest, inaccurate, and overall wishy-washy words in the English language. Unless we're talking, like, fines fines, i.e. parking tickets, Blockbuster Netflix library late fees, or some other form of idiot tax. (Man, people don't really rent movies anymore, do they? I need to update my repertoire. Wait, do libraries still charge you for lateness?)

So?

Are you contentCaffeinated? Sickly? HappySleepy? Grumpy?

Some other seven-dwarvish persona, perhaps?

Regardless of what's going on in your life—and more importantly whether or not you have any control over it—I encourage you, regardless of your disposition today, to at least be honest with yourself. It can only serve you well.

If things are lovely, pat yourself on the back for being such a dandy well-rounded human soul today.

If things suck, acknowledge they suck, and you'll already be on the path towards fixing said suckage.

 

This brings us to my favorite decision tree of all time:

 

Problem: Something sucks.

Question: Can I do anything about it?

 

Answer A: Yes, which means you have the power to make it better, so stop worrying.

Answer B: No, which means it's out of your hands anyway, so stop worrying.

 

While I'm far from being a natural practitioner of this mindset, I always find the reminder to be reassuring and helpful.

 

And, uh, oh yeah...

Bikes

by-the-by, are great at relieving stress, worry, and other assorted forms of general suckage, so if you haven't yet exercised your right to your daily constitutional, get your ass outside, plop it into the saddle, and go crank out a few miles.

You'll be glad you did.

 

 

Today we're keeping it short and sweet. No politics, no soap boxes. This one's for those of you with real-world obligations, time-sensitive deliveries, attention spans that may not actually cover the length of an MBR blog post, or any other reason that might limit your reading of said blog post. So to anyone suffering from crappy-day and/or lack-of-bike syndrome, take solace in the following examples of human ingenuity, creativity, bravado, and, of course, stupidity (because those last ones are definitely the best of the camp).

Culled from the fathomless depths of the Internet, I give you MBR's first installment of

The Big Ol' Weird Bike Fest:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, he can totally ride it:

 

 

And yes, it requires about 1 metrick crap-ton of chain:

 

 

 

 

 

 My personal favorite:

 

And I know this doesn't technically apply, but don't you totally want to sit on this:

 

 

Either that, or I've given you nightmares for a week.
My bad.

 

—TheBikeMensch

 


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